Deciding to foster

When we got married, we had already talked about fostering and adoption. It was something we both felt drawn towards, but it always belonged to the category of "one day". At the time, we had two young sons, Samuel, aged six, and Bradley, aged four. We were active members of our church, busy with family life, and assumed fostering was something for the distant future.

Then one day I (James) found myself asking a simple question: When is "one day"?

We kept saying, "We'll do it in the future," but we had never actually thought about when that future might be. So, out of curiosity more than anything else, I started researching fostering. I wanted to understand what it really involved, beyond my own idealistic assumptions.

I looked at different local authorities and fostering providers before booking a place at an information evening with our local council. I also contacted a neighbouring borough—the one where I worked as a teacher and where our church was heavily involved—but for one reason or another we never attended one of their events.

On the journey home from a church leaders' weekend, I spoke to Kayley about everything I had discovered. We agreed that we would simply attend an information evening, nothing more. We weren't making any commitments; we just wanted to find out whether fostering might be something for us in the future. Around the same time, Kayley also researched several independent fostering agencies, but neither of us felt they were the right fit.

The information evening was surprisingly encouraging. There were only two other prospective foster carers there. One lady spoke openly about wanting a child of her own ethnicity to care for. Even with my very limited understanding at the time, it struck me that fostering could never be about filling a personal void. Children in care need people who are ready to meet their needs, not the other way around.

As we drove home that evening, we realised something unexpected.

Perhaps this wasn't something we needed to wait years to do.

Perhaps we could foster while our own children were still young.

At the time, we had a church intern living with us, so we knew we couldn't begin the process immediately. We decided that if we were going to pursue fostering, it would need to wait until after he had moved out in July. We also wanted a few months to regroup as a family before taking such a significant step. January 2020 felt like a realistic target.

Not long afterwards, the neighbouring local authority arranged for a social worker to visit us at home. She explained the fostering process, which was largely the same as our own council's, although one practical difference was that they did not offer a council tax reduction. What surprised us most, however, was her reaction. She seemed genuinely puzzled that we were exploring fostering together as a couple and that we were planning so far ahead. To us, it seemed perfectly natural to prepare well for something so important.

Around the same time, we met with a couple from our church who had recently been asked to lead a fostering support community. We wanted to learn from people who had already walked this path, and the conversation was invaluable.

We had assumed we would foster for our own local authority. After all, it was our local authority. But they shared one observation that stayed with us. They felt that, as a church, God had given them a particular heart for the neighbouring borough. Perhaps, they suggested, we should prayerfully consider whether that was where we were being called too.

It wasn't a dramatic moment or a miraculous sign. But the more we thought and prayed about it, the more it made sense.

In the end, we decided to apply to foster with our neighbouring local authority.

Looking back, it was the first of many decisions where God gently guided us, one small step at a time.